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Too Many Skeletons In My Cabinet

By Andrea Peyser

NY POST - This is not a trick question: How can I get a job with the Obama administration?

Incoming President No. 44 has slapped a "Help Wanted" sign on Washington, triggering a gold rush for budding Cabinet secretaries, top administrators and Hillary Rodham Clinton. What to do?

In an effort to weed out riffraff, Obama has come up with a bizarre job application - a seven-page, 63-question document so invasive that it must have been cooked up by the president-elect's lawyers. Or his proctologist.

How far would I get? He had me at No. 1.

(1) "Please furnish copies of all résumés."

Since I don't have one, this is an accurate representation of my experience and skills:

A. Somehow, I earned a college degree.

B. Developed a major bad attitude.

C. Had no choice but to become a professional columnist.

Hasn't changed in 15 years.

Here's No. 8: "Briefly describe the most controversial matters you have been involved with during the course of your career."

Let's see. I wrote that Martha Stewart should be locked up for life and that Madonna bought an African baby like a souvenir. I angered animal-rights loonies by championing a drunken nitwit who killed his girlfriend's cat and faced felony charges. Can I add more pages?

Question No. 13 asks whether I've ever sent an embarrassing (read: drunken) e-mail. "Please describe." Not. A. Chance.

No. 43 asks to "Please list any lawsuits . . . which were brought against you."

Well, the late Johnnie Cochran sued me for calling him a "liar." Al Sharpton sued me for pointing out that he had lived in New Jersey. The suits were tossed. I haven't shut up yet.

My favorite question is No. 57: "Please list the names, addresses and phone number [sic] of cohabitants within the last 10 years. A cohabitant is a person with whom you share bonds of affection, obligation or other commitment." Thanks for clearing that up.

I'm afraid No. 61 ends my governmental fantasy: "Have you had any association with any person, group or business venture that could be used - even unfairly - to impugn or attack your character and qualifications for government service?"

How about PETA? Defense lawyers? The entire Democratic Party?

Better luck next administration.

Source:  New York Post

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